You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I love black thongs
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
