So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
