I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
