This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize