Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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