Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
