I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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