I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
