How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
