She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize