and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
