Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
