OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
