I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
