R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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