exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
