Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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