A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
