i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
