i don't like sucking hair
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
