Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
