I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
