Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
