Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
