Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
