All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize