i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
