Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
