glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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