We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
soo... how was my night?
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