I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I've blown a few things in my day
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
