Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
