it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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