I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
