The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
