i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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