when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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