I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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