speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
