Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
