meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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