I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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