I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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