I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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