Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize