The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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