It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
how does that bad decision feel?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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