First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize