At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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