I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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