Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
