It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
