Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize