FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
