someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
