Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
