First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Randomize