I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize