She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
