when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
