i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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