haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
