My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
