so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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