she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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