He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
