i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
