youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
