If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
