The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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