ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
