Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
as a side note pls kill me
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
