So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize